Little bits of randomness

To love and loss?

So… How do I start this? Well I was dating a guy for a few months. He stated from the start he was not ready for a relationship and stupid me I thought that I could change it. I mean I knew this guy had issues but I wanted to be the one to relieve him of all his stresses. By far he was the guy I wanted to be with and my ‘Mr Right’ Anyway as you all can predict he broke up with me saying that he didn’t feel anything more for me and feels like it was time to end it.

Honestly I never knew how much I could cry and be hurt and the bad things was I could not fault him. It was really something like the film “500 days of summer” it sucks. It still sucks. I’m still going through the motions of it all. I spent two days crying and crying. Now I’m all out of tears and feel sad inside. I look at couples and am bitter and sad. I’m trying to figure out a way to move on so I guess I can track my road to being happy again. In addition I have decided to spend time focusing on myself and I guess everyone says this after a break up but I’m going to try it. So let’s see what happens.

It’s been too long…

So I haven’t written here for a while… 

Hmmm where to start. Well I’m a nurse now and working in a ward for the elderly!! I really enjoy my work. Okay there are days when I think why am I doing this? but overall I’m happy with work :)

With love it isn’t as great lol. It’s still difficult. There is a new person but it’s difficult as he doesn’t want to commit due to breaking up with a girlfriend a few months back. I’m not too sure how I feel about it to be honest. It often feels like I’m waiting for him to commit but will he ever commit or am I waiting for a dream that may never appear? I’ve been told to talk to him cause communication is the key, right? Well a few things are stopping me… like we’ve only been seeing each other for 2 months. is it too early to talk about stuff like this? also he tends to be someone who doesn’t like to talk about it and doesn’t want anything too serious. So I’m stuck in a place where I’m hurting cause I’m not too sure whether it is his excuse that he is using to see other people as well or I’m just not good enough. Big self esteem issues going on here. Hoping with time things will sort itself out…

Moving on…

So my brother got married recently. He is planning on moving away with his wife. Me and him have lived together for ages and only now has it dawned on me how strange it will feel being the only person at home…

As pessmistic as it sounds, I don’t expect a happy ever after for myself and often joke and picture myself with a bunch of cats while everyone moves on around me. As much as I joke about it there was a small part of me wished that if I joke hard enough it wouldn’t happen to me.

Who knows it may not happen but it suddenly made me realise actually how alone I will be once my brother & sister moves on in their lives…

Liars, Words and Action!

As small children we have always been told to tell the truth but somehow as adults we tend to tell lie after lie. If the rhyme “liar liar pants on fire” is true I doubt any one of us would have any pants left! The one thing I find interesting is how people lie in a relationship. Granted I’ve done this before but I just wondering what is stopping us from telling another person the truth. Is it because we are so consumed to pleasing others that the truth might just hurt too much? Take my friend for example. She was with a man for a year. He kept saying he loved her and wanted to marry her then one night all of a sudden he said he was leaving and moving countries. Then a few months later my friend contacted him again and instead of him saying to her he isn’t interested & didn’t like her he said “I love u but it is better this way, you deserve someone much better, I love you that’s why I’m letting go” I mean seriously? Unfortunately my friend fell for this BS!

Another example is a bit more personal to me. I started seeing a guy and after a few dates he disappeared. He has contacted me a few times now, asking how I was & whether I want to meet again. Then a few weeks would pass without contact then he would contact me again. It was very much like the Katy Perrþy song hot and cold! Anyway I still fell for it and wasting weeks and weeks still hooked on this guy. Thinking back it would be so much better & less time wasting if he would have just said look I don’t like you. Then at least I could move on. I mean it would save him & me so much time and effort.

I guess this and other situations have made me very synical about what people say. Words alone don’t mean much to me, but coupled with action means so much more!

Priorities

Recently this issue has been in my head. I guess with nursing it is always important to prioritise. I feel at times that I’m so structured and have a need to follow my set task I do not adapt and be flexible to the tasks that arise. Guess working in a consistently changing environment I need to adapt and be flexible.

My Priorities

1) To be there for my family & support them
2) To complete my nursing course
3) To get a job
4) To be successful in my career